Cruising is women's business

Changing Course: A Woman's Guide to Choosing the Cruising Life
by  Debra Ann Cantrell
$20.95, 192 pp.

ISBN:0071427899

This slim volume, which came recommended to me and has continued to get mention since its 2004 publication, might be one of the most important reads the husband portion of a cruising couple could purchase. The cruising women I’ve read about, like Ellen MacArthur, Beryl Smeeton and Tania Aebi, have tended toward the brusquely efficient, stiff-upper-lip types. Which is all well and good, I suppose, but that’s not most sailing husbands, is it, never mind their perhaps less-enthusiastic wives.

Now, given that’s it aimed squarely at women, that comment might seem counter-intuitive. Well, so are most male sailors, in my experience. Men like systems, fixing things, getting places. So do a lot of women, but they tend to want to discuss the ramifications first. Men, generally, can have a little trouble in this department.

That ‘little trouble’ is the subject of this interesting book, and if you like it, there's an interesting website as well. Many men of a certain age and a nautical cast of mind decide to go cruising, and many a Caribbean bar features these now-divorced skippers who didn’t quite take into account what selling up and sailing would mean to their spouses. Although Debra Cantrell’s study, and this is a study, assumes that it’s men who propose and women who dispose with the cruising life, much of this book is applicable to any pair, gay, straight or otherwise undefined shipmates, where one seeks a life-altering adventure and the other doesn’t…at least at first. In that sense, it's kin to the unfortunately obscure Two in a Boat, which I favourably reviewed below.

Despite the anecdotal approach, this is essentially a social survey of how women cope with their husband’s determination to cruise. When a woman who has spent years building a career, making a home, raising kids and forming strong local relationship hears that her beloved Skipper wants to bugger off to Margaritaville…well, it can create stresses. Cantrell charts her own course from, roughly, total opposition, fear and loathing to acceptance and finally, well-seasoned enjoyment. This course allowed for speaking with other women in the cruising life, many of whom were not (at first) remotely gung ho about the idea. and others who found it was the first step in an eventual marital breakdown. The briefest of chats with boat club bar staff will confirm this, alas. Boats and marriages founder when the crew is not in accord.

This isn’t a “downer” book at all, however. Few men are Captain Blighs of the under-40 foot class, but few seem to understand on an emotional level what it means to trade a Leaside three-bedroom for a dimly lit V-berth and the joys of ill-secured holding tanks. Such men should read this book avidly if they have any plans to sail off with the spouse. 

Among the common sense suggestions are the one to keep the house and rent it out, except for one room, as a paid-off house will provide both storage space, cruising income and a place to sack out on occasional trips back. I like this so much I've set that process in motion with tenants already in the upper two floors.

Another suggestion was that wives and husbands should maintain a “boat” account, and separate accounts for themselves, so that neither has veto power over perceived “luxuries” (or the least concessions to a civilized life, take your pick). This means in practical terms that either skipper can bail in a hurry, as there’s nothing more nasty than being trapped on a boat with no means of leaving it at the next port. As Cantrell points out, if you aren’t on the same page regarding what constitute reasonable expenditures, why go sailing? Camping is cheaper and frequently less damp and you can stretch your legs until you get to a nice pooping tree.

Women are strongly encouraged in this book to take sailing lessons, diesel repair lessons, navigation courses and the like. That’s because it’s better and safer to have two sailors aboard, but also because knowing this salty arcana means women (and non-sailing husbands of female skippers) can gain confidence and enjoyment out of doing things, and can perceive why their husbands wanted to go in the first place with "the skipper eye".. Cantrell admits that while a few women who went sailing hated it even after gaining the experience, there are a roughly equal number who overcame initial fears and concern and are now keenest on keeping cruising.

Cantrell’s writing style, while relying a little heavily on “therapeutic” language for my taste, is clear and informative, and is a good place to start when you have a spouse that doesn’t want to go, but doesn’t want to stop you, cruising. While I have in the past read the books I review for free, I haven't always gotten to keep them (it’s not that good a gig). This one, I bought. No higher recommendation exists.